Ipswich slimming club installs 36cm doorway to enforce weight loss.

By Our Angling Correspondent: Courtney Pike

IPSWICH – Members of a Slimmer’s World group in Ipswich were left mildly bruised this week after their leader unveiled what she calls a “revolutionary incentive-based slimming breakthrough”: a brand-new front door measuring just 36cm across.

The dramatically narrow entrance, installed overnight and reportedly inspired by both motivational techniques and cat flaps, now serves as the official checkpoint for entry into the club. Only those able to squeeze through the 36cm gap are permitted inside for the weekly weigh-in and motivational talk.

Group leader Denise Halford, who describes herself as a “weight-loss visionary with a DIY enthusiasm,” announced the change matter-of-factly. “People always say they want to get serious,” she explained, proudly patting the freshly painted sliver of a door. “Well, now they have to prove it. Commitment starts at the threshold.”

Sideways entry

Members arriving for Tuesday’s session were seen assessing the new entrance with expressions ranging from shock to determined optimism. One long-time attendee attempted entry sideways, another tried breathing in for a full 40 seconds before making contact with the frame, and a third reportedly became wedged for several minutes, declaring it “the most motivating moment of my life.”

Critics have raised concerns about safety, dignity, and basic architectural logic, but Halford insists the doorway is “symbolic, inspirational, and excellent for headlines.” She hinted future innovations may include “motivational ladders,” “confidence tunnels,” and “a weigh-in platform suspended above a crocodile pond.”

Despite controversy, membership has reportedly increased as curious locals flock to see the country’s first 36cm slimming entrance. Whether this bold new method will redefine weight-loss culture or simply increase demand for buttered doorframes remains, quite literally, a tight squeeze.