PARIS, OCCUPIED EUROPE – The French government has launched legal proceedings against the creators of the beloved wartime sitcom ‘Allo ‘Allo, claiming the show “demeans, demonizes and stereotypes” the French people.

Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint

The lawsuit, filed in a Paris court this week, accuses the BBC and the estate of series creators David Croft and Jeremy Lloyd of portraying the French as “inept, cowardly, and overly fond of pastries.” Central to the case is René Artois, the café owner and reluctant womaniser played by the late Gordon Kaye, whose catchphrases included “You stupid woman!” and “Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once,” both of which have now been classified by French authorities as cultural hate crimes.

“The show makes a mockery of our resistance,” said a government spokesperson, while wearing an exquisitely knotted scarf. “It suggests our wartime efforts consisted mainly of hiding British airmen in wine barrels and seducing each other behind the pâté counter.”

René in the Dock

Defenders of the show, meanwhile, argue that ‘Allo ‘Allo was an equal-opportunity offender, satirising not only the French but also the British (portrayed as clueless military morons) and the Germans (camp, lovesick Nazis obsessed with sausage and stolen paintings).

“It’s absurd,” said one British fan. “The whole point was to laugh at everyone. Especially Herr Flick.”

If convicted, the BBC could be forced to pay reparations in the form of croissants, apologies, and reruns of Fawlty Towers dubbed into French.

Meanwhile, legal experts predict the case will collapse the moment the court hears, “Good moaning, I was just pissing by your door…”