Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Turd rolled in glitter at Suffolk coffee shop

Turd rolled in glitter at Suffolk coffee shop

DISS, SUFFOLK –  Patrons and baristas at quaint Suffolk coffee shop ‘Cathy’s Coffee,’ were left holding their noses when a dutty visitor crapped on the floor.

The establishment had to temporarily close its doors when an annoying,.smelly vagrant, known by locals as 61-year-old Brian Thwackett, waltzed in,.dropped his trousers, and left an unappetizing surprise on the café floor – and it wasn’t a chocolate muffin.

Pop poop

When questioned about his outrageous actions, Thwackett responded with a perplexing performance that left everyone bewildered. Instead of offering a straightforward explanation. He began to sing the lyrics to Labelle’s 1974 hit record, ‘Lady Marmalade,’ as if it were his personal cacking anthem. “Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya, da-da (hey, hey, hey) Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya, here (here)” he crooned. When a customer challenged him about his unorthodox performance art, Thwackett, still pants-less and undeterred, belted out, “Mocha Chocolata, ya-ya (ooh, yeah),” before flashing an impish, toothless grin.

Smell of egg

Patrons and café staff could only watch in amazement as this impromptu musical performance unfolded. Finally, someone called the police, who arrived at the scene and promptly arrested Thwackett,.a former scotch egg tester of no fixed abode, for indecent exposure and crapping in a public place.

Meanwhile, ‘Cathy’s Coffee’ was forced to temporarily close its doors for a thorough cleanup and a bit of soul-searching. Consequently, the incident has prompted regulars to nickname their once-favourite coffee shop “Crappy’s Coffee”.

Storm in a coffee cup

In a town where life usually moves at a pace akin to a leisurely afternoon tea, Brian Thwackett had stirred up a shitstorm that will no doubt leave a stain on Cathy’s Coffee (Suffolk coffee shop) for a while to come.

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