Saturday, May 18, 2024

Latest Stories

Dorries and Johnson put champagne on ice

WESTMINSTER, ENGLAND – Tory MP Nadine Dorries confided in her best friend about a dream she had of a movie-style romance with former PM, Boris Johnson.

According to Dorries’ snitch friend, after a night in drowning her political woes in cheap champagne,.the scouse floozy, dreamt she had become the iconic Rose from the film “Titanic,”.and her love interest was none other than her close political ally and former boss, Boris Johnson, transformed into the dashing Jack.

Booze-induced alternate reality

In her dream, Nadine wore a luxurious gown reminiscent of the Edwardian era, complete with a diamond-studded tiara. Boris, her faux common-as-muck suitor, with the undeniable charm of a rogue swept up in an aristocratic love affair, donned a dandruff-smattered tuxedo.

Allegedly, as the dream unraveled, the two politicians, typically embroiled in the complexities of Brexit, Covid-19 response, and the like, now found themselves caught up in a romance that could rival any Hollywood blockbuster. The grand ballroom of the Titanic ship became the backdrop for their whirlwind love story.

Plonk-fuelled fantasy

In Dorries’  plonk-fuelled fantasy, the two political kindred spirits waltzed gracefully across.the gleaming floor to the strains of a string quartet’s screeching melody. Boris, who in reality was better known for his ability to dance around difficult political questions,.twirled Nadine with surprising elan.

Momentarily, their eyes locked, and, for a fleeting moment, it was as if the Labour Party and the BBC never existed.

But, just as in real life, the Titanic hit a metaphoric iceberg in the form of an unexpected political crisis.lockdown parties in Downing Street. Boris, with his signature charisma, attempted to reassure Nadine that what was being said about him was bollocks, but this iceberg proved catastrophic.

Bodies intertwined

With the ship of their dreams sinking fast, Nadine and Boris clung to each other, not in defiance of the storm, but in defiance of reality.

As the icy waters encroached, they whispered promises of future budgets and political victories,.but, just as their bodies were inextricably intertwined, so was their political fate.

According to Nadine’s mate, the former Secretary of State for Digital,.Culture, Media and Sport, roused by a loud bang on the door from the removal men, awoke from her dream with a groan, realizing that, in reality, her relationship with Boris was far from the passionate romance of ‘Titanic’ and more like an episode of Laurel & Hardy.

NEXT WEEK: Nigel Farage’s nightmare about being the gimp sex slave of President of the European Commission, dominatrix, Ursula von der Leyen.

🤞 Get our stories on email

Receive awesome content in your inbox, every week.

We don’t spam! Read more in our privacy policy

LATEST STORIES

Most Read

Share
Be a shining star, follow us on Twitter!