A mild-mannered bird has turned into a feathered fury, unleashing a campaign of avian aggression on a quiet couple from Aldham, Suffolk, after their garden bird table was left unstocked for several weeks.

Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint

Jim and Samantha Henderson, both retired, say their lives have been made “an absolute squawking nightmare” by the unnamed bird — once a charming, fluttering regular — who has allegedly taken grave offence at the sudden lack of sunflower seeds and suet pellets.

“It all changed after Samantha fell ill,” Jim explained. “She was diagnosed with buttock cancer and just couldn’t keep up with the bird table. The little fellow clearly didn’t take it well.”

The bird, described by the couple as a “fierce-looking sparrow with eyes like tiny vials of rage,” began pecking furiously at their kitchen window. “At first we thought it was confused by its reflection,” said Jim. “But then it started glaring. And defecating. A lot.”

With its demands unmet, the bird escalated. “He’s doing coordinated aerial dumps now,” Jim continued. “The patio looks like a Jackson Pollock painted in revenge.”

Flew off the handle

Samantha, confined to her armchair during treatment, said the bird would perch in the nearby hedge “just staring, like it was plotting something.” She added, “You can feel the judgment. It’s the Daily Mail reader of birds.”

In desperation, Jim filed an official complaint with the RSPB, who advised him to “remain calm” and suggested the bird might be “expressing distress through natural behaviour.” The Hendersons are not reassured.

“I don’t care if it’s natural,” Jim said. “If that bird had access to matches, the shed would already be gone.”

The bird has not commented, but was last seen fluffing its feathers menacingly near the compost bin.

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