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Suffolk Council pledges to DOUBLE parking line restrictions

Suffolk Council pledges to DOUBLE parking line restrictions
Suffolk Council pledges to DOUBLE parking line restrictions

LOWESTOFT, SUFFOLK – Suffolk’s Liberal Democrat-led council has unveiled it’s ‘quadruple yellow line’ campaign in Lowestoft, Suffolk. The new campaign is an upgrade to the usual DUOBLE parking line.

Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred

In a stroke of bureaucratic brilliance that has left even the most sceptical critics of environmentalism applauding.

The brainchild of Sir Ed Davy, leader of the Liberal Democrats and a stalwart advocate for environmentalism. The quadruple yellow line initiative has been hailed as “pure genius” by its proponents including left-wing do-gooders, Greenpeace and even environmental cabbage patch kid, Greta Thunberg. The concept? Painting four yellow lines on a stretch of residential road measuring a mere 80cm in width to deter illegal parking.

Double trouble

“Well done, Ed!” exclaimed supporters, echoing their praise across social media platforms. Sir Ed himself, in an exclusive interview with THE SUFFOLK GAZETTE, shared insights into the campaign’s success, citing a significant reduction in illegal parking by vehicles in the area ranging from articulated lorries, milk floats, refuse trucks and even taxiing passenger airliners.

“Previously, this stretch of road was a free-for-all, with vehicles of all shapes and sizes taking advantage of the lax parking regulations,” explained Sir Ed, his trademark disingenuousness shining through. “But thanks to the quadruple yellow lines –  a doubling of existing restrictions, we’ve put an end to this chaos and restored order to our streets.”

Double parking line VS Quadruple lines

Locals in Lowestoft have greeted the quadruple yellow line (an upgrade to double parking line) campaign with jubilation, hailing Sir Ed and the Liberal Democrats for their proactive stance on tackling parking woes in the community. “Hooray! Well done Sir Ed, and the Liberal Democrats!” cheered residents, relieved to reclaim their sidewalks and curb space from the clutches of illegal parkers.

As quadruple yellow lines continue to proliferate across Suffolk’s roadways, one thing is abundantly clear: when it comes to creative solutions for everyday problems, the Liberal Democrats are leading the charge, four yellow lines at a time.

NB. Mellifluous current affairs expert and resident of Suffolk, Jeremy Paxman, wasn’t available for comment.

Meanwhile: Council apologised after drawing ‘Two Lines around Pothole’

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