Monday, May 29, 2023

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Professional pub drinkers call for amateur Christmas drinkers ban

Part-time Christmas drinkers
Amateur drinkers getting in everyone else’s way

Pot-bellied professional drinkers have demanded that part-time Christmas drinkers be banned from pubs because they haven’t got a clue what they’re doing.

“They know nothing about pub etiquette,” complained Steve Walshe from his regular seat at the corner of the bar in the Partridge and Whistle.

“For two weeks a year, they come in without a clue about how to order at the bar, where to stand or how to behave in general.

“Worse still, they can’t handle their booze and are roaring drunk after ten minutes, making a spectacle of themselves and becoming even more boorish.

“They should be banned, or at the least only allowed in between 3pm and 4pm on a weekday.”

Barmaid Lorraine Fisher, 34, added: “Once-a-year Christmas drinkers are uneducated in the well-established art of pub drinking.

“Being asked to pour 15 glasses of Prosecco, three red wines, eight pints of lager and 10 Sambucas by a drunk woman from accounts while poor regular Clive is waiting for another pint of bitter is not fair.

“And these amateurs are always the first to throw up in the toilets.”

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