Monday, December 5, 2022

Man spotted eating raw meat in the bus

Man spotted eating raw meat in the bus
Man spotted eating raw meat in Ipswich

An unshaven, unemployed and unattractive man was spotted eating raw meat while traveling in a local bus in Ipswich.

To the eyewitness’s horror, a stereotypical Englishman (unshaven, unkempt appearance, bad clothes, unattractive figure, unemployed, etc). Peeled back the film cover of the packet,.picked up a lump of raw beef, popped it in his mouth, and ate it. All without washing his hands. Dirty bastard.

Is eating raw meat normal?

Ahh. The French. What a curious race of people they are. On the one hand elegant, refined, stylish, a la mode, but, on the other, utterly disgusting.– hairy armpits, spitting at the opera and cheating at everything. What cannot be denied, however, is that whatever the French do.– good or bad – it is always done with a certain je ne sais quoi. Take steak tartare, for example. The raw preparation of beef (or horsemeat) that is commonly served in French bistros, brasseries, and cafes. Being French, the dish is lovingly served garnished with onions,.capers, mushrooms, pepper, Worcestershire sauce, and other choice seasonings and finished off with a raw egg yolk on top. Aah… exquisite!

Consume today, cook tomorrow

Now consider the English. Apart from Jeremy Paxman (who could easily have played James Bond), Fiona ‘Fifi’ Bruce (part English) and, perhaps Carol Vorderman (Welsh), the English are generally considered to be lacking in style – this doesn’t include punk rockers (of whom Fifi Bruce was once an example) or tweed of course. Everything the English do is done in a hurry with corners cut and no attention given to detail. The English don’t care if something is badly presented or doesn’t work properly, so long as it can be purchased online in the next five minutes and consumed today or latest tomorrow – ideally before midday.

Take for example the passenger who spotted eating raw meat,.boarded the Nacton Nipper bus in Ipswich at 4.40 p.m. last Wednesday afternoon. According to an eyewitness, the man had not been riding the bus for more than two minutes when he reached into his shopping bag and pulled out a vacuum-sealed packet of minced beef.

France 10 – 0 England

Now I don’t know about you valued reader, but given the choice, I would rather eat a heavily garlic-infused candlelit meal of raw horsemeat opposite French footballer, crap actor, and waffling pseudo-intellectual, Eric Cantona than I would sit beside the man on that bus who was seen eating raw meat.

Eric: You know, the English like love, but the French… we make love!

Gulp!

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