Infamous Seagull 73 returns, attacking hot dogs and reclaiming skies.
By Our Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred
LOWESTOFT, SUFFOLK — Civil order collapsed briefly on the South Pier yesterday as local authorities confirmed the reappearance of Seagull 73, the avian kingpin who has successfully defied both biological aging and the local constabulary for over three decades.
Seagull attack
Seagull 73 is widely regarded as the most notorious seabird ever to patrol the skies of Lowestoft, Suffolk. His legend began early. At just five weeks old, he is said to have fallen from his cliff-top nest and immediately distinguished himself by saving his mother from an Alsatian using what eyewitnesses later described as “decisive eye-focused tactics.” This formative incident is generally accepted as the moment Seagull 73 crossed the line from ordinary gull to local myth.
Missing for fourteen months—following a mysterious sabbatical rumored to involve a hostile takeover of a Great Yarmouth shrimp trawler—the 34-year-old airborne legend signaled his return by attacking a male tourist from the Midlands. The victim, who was reportedly enjoying a “jumbo” hot dog, was left holding nothing but a soggy bun and a profound sense of inadequacy.
The Return of the King
Witnesses say the “precision snatch” was executed with the surgical grace that defines Seagull 73. “It wasn’t just a theft; it was a statement,” noted one local chip shop owner, who currently displays a legal disclaimer stating that all battered cod is technically ‘at risk’ the moment it clears the fryer. “He didn’t even flap. He just glided in, claimed the frankfurter, and gave the poor man a look that suggested he should be grateful for the experience.”
Attack and defend
Despite his advanced age defying every known law of ornithology, Seagull 73 remains a feathered inevitability. Whether he spent his missing year in witness protection or deep-cover reconnaissance remains unknown. What is certain is that Lowestoft’s skies are once again under attack.
Seagull attack has gone viral on Social Media.
