By Arthur Pint
The world premier of the new James Bond film Trectre will be screened tonight in a lavish event at a Wickham Market cinema.
Fans and the world’s media will flock to the rural Suffolk town to see stars including Daniel Craig and his beautiful screen love interest, an older red tractor.
The plot of the high-budget new Bond release has been kept a closely guarded secret.
But studio insiders have told the Suffolk Gazette it involves an evil crime lord who is intent on holding the world to ransom by destroying root vegetable crops across East Anglia.
“This the best Bond movie yet,” he said. “It is packed full of thrilling scenes, including a sensational chase sequence in which Bond takes out three cars and a helicopter using nothing more than his 1960s vintage Massey Ferguson tractor.
James Bond Trectre
“Daniel Craig plays tractor-driving Bond brilliantly. He shows more of his raw emotional character which we first saw in Skyfall.”
The Glitzy Ritz cinema in Wickham Market High Street was thrilled to be chosen for the Trectre premier.
Manager Ron Blofeld said: “It’s going to be a fantastic evening which will put Wickham Market on the map. The locals are really looking forward to it, and hope Mr Craig enjoys his time here.”
Many of the Trectre scenes were filmed on location in rural north Suffolk, and tourist bosses expect an influx of curious visitors to the region as a result.
(Hat tip to CSI Plumbridge)