By Rob Banks
Suffolk Police are investigating how children of the 1970s and 1980s were corrupted by the depraved activities on their favourite television shows.
Officers were aghast when they discovered how nudity, drug taking, violence and theft used to be rife on children’s TV in Britain – and they now believe those shows could be responsible for soaring crime today.
A force insider said: “When we found just how explicit television for youngsters was in those days, it became clear why so many grew up misbehaving.”
The officer, who asked not to be named, said prosecutions could be brought against the shows’ producers. He provided the Suffolk Gazette with a list of shows that were under investigation, and why:
Scooby Doo: Scooby and Shaggy were tripping hippies with permanent munchies
Snow White: Lived in a house with seven men
Captain Pugwash: Was known to Roger, the cabin boy
Tarzan: Paraded around in near nudity
Looney Tunes: Made light of mental illness
Batman: Drove around at excessive speeds of over 200mph
Popeye: Covered in tattoos and smoked a dodgy pipe
Cinderella: Stayed out until after midnight despite her family’s wishes
Aladdin: A thief
Pinocchio: Habitual teller of lies
Wacky Races: Promoted road rage
Magic Roundabout: Featured a drugged-up rabbit called Dylan
Fingerbobs: Featured a creepy man in grey gloves and jumper
Noddy: Young boy in inappropriate relationship with older man (Big Ears)
Black Beauty: Racist
Mr Benn: Featured a man who liked dressing up
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