Friday, September 23, 2022

1970s children’s TV responsible for crime wave

Exclusive
By Rob Banks
Crime Editor

Suffolk Police are investigating how children of the 1970s and 1980s were corrupted by the depraved activities on their favourite television shows.

Officers were aghast when they discovered how nudity, drug taking, violence and theft used to be rife on children’s TV in Britain – and they now believe those shows could be responsible for soaring crime today.

A force insider said: “When we found just how explicit television for youngsters was in those days, it became clear why so many grew up misbehaving.”

The officer, who asked not to be named, said prosecutions could be brought against the shows’ producers. He provided the Suffolk Gazette with a list of shows that were under investigation, and why:

Scooby Doo: Scooby and Shaggy were tripping hippies with permanent munchies

Snow White: Lived in a house with seven men

Captain Pugwash: Was known to Roger, the cabin boy

Tarzan: Paraded around in near nudity

Looney Tunes: Made light of mental illness

Batman: Drove around at excessive speeds of over 200mph

Popeye: Covered in tattoos and smoked a dodgy pipe

popeye
Man with tattoos who was fond of tobacco and pestered a woman called Olive

Cinderella: Stayed out until after midnight despite her family’s wishes

Aladdin: A thief

Pinocchio: Habitual teller of lies

Wacky Races: Promoted road rage

Magic Roundabout: Featured a drugged-up rabbit called Dylan

Fingerbobs: Featured a creepy man in grey gloves and jumper

Noddy: Young boy in inappropriate relationship with older man (Big Ears)

Black Beauty: Racist

Mr Benn: Featured a man who liked dressing up

mr-benn
And then the shopkeeper appeared: Mr Benn loved dressing up

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