Wednesday, June 26, 2024

Ann Boleyn Massage & Health Spa offers unusual cure for headaches

Ann Boleyn Massage & Health Spa offers unusual cure for headaches

BURY ST EDMUNDS, SUFFOLK, ENGLAND – A new Anne Boleyn health spa’s unusual services have sent people’s heads spinning.

The unconventional health spa, aptly named ‘The Anne Boleyn Massage & Spa Centre’. Ditches conventional massage techniques and herbal favour of ‘head reattachment treatments’ for cranially changed historical figures who met their unfortunate ends via beheading.

New spa on the block

Guests including Sir Walter Raleigh – who was executed in the Old Palace Yard. Westminster in 1618 by orders of James VI – can now indulge in Anne Boleyn’s spa treatments.

That promise to turn back the clock on even the most infamous headless personalities. From the “Off With Your Tensions” neck massage to the “Royal Resurrection Facial” for Marie Antoinette. Every treatment aims to unwind and unwind—literally.

“Our therapists are skilled in the ancient art of cranial reattachment,” beams spa owner and amateur historian, Miss Gilo Teeyn. “It’s all about restoring balance and getting our decapitated friends feeling head over heels again!”

I laughed my head off

With tongue firmly in cheek, patrons are offered the chance to relive history as they don regal robes and practice their best dramatic gasps in front of the mirror.

However, the pièce de résistance remains the ‘Mary, Queen of Scots Beheading Experience,’. Where, for £30, guests can live out their treasonous execution fantasies with a full body massage thrown in just as the queen did in 1587.

Ann Boleyn Spa’s success

Skeptics abound, yet the Ann Boleyn spa’s popularity seems to be on the rise. It’s a head-spinning experience that’s leaving patrons both bemused and bewitched, raising the question: is this spa truly ahead of its time, or has Miss Teen lost her head?

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