BROADCASTING HOUSE, LONDON – In what many are describing as “the most Partridge thing ever to happen to the BBC,” the nation’s favourite inept broadcaster, Alan Partridge, has emerged as the frontrunner to become the next Director General of the corporation.
By Our Political Correspondent: Polly Ticks
The vacancy arose following a catastrophic scandal over a doctored Panorama episode in which a clip of Donald Trump was edited to make him appear to declare war on Belgium. The incident sparked international confusion, domestic outrage, and a BBC meltdown so profound that several senior executives have already resigned — or, in one case, “gone missing on compassionate leave in Portugal.”
Step forward Mr Partridge, the Norfolk-based TV and radio presenter whose broadcasting career has lurched between the BBC, North Norfolk Digital, and the occasional Travel Tavern. According to reports, Partridge is said to have “thrown his driving gloves into the ring” and believes he is “just what the BBC needs — a steady hand, a strong moral compass, and a man who once met Bill Oddie.”
Co*k P*ss Partridge
Speaking from his home in Norwich, Partridge told reporters: “The BBC is like a runaway Rover Metro — good car, bit of rust — and I’m the man to get it through its MOT. If I can handle the pressure of interviewing Tony Hayers about monkey tennis, I can handle the nation’s broadcaster.”
A BBC insider said the mood inside Broadcasting House was “a mixture of disbelief, resignation, and mild amusement,” though Partridge’s odds have reportedly shortened to 5/1 after a flurry of bets from the East Anglia region.
Downing Street declined to comment on the speculation, though one minister privately admitted: “Frankly, it couldn’t be worse.”
If appointed, Partridge has already hinted at his first act: replacing Question Time with Knowing Me, Knowing Viewers. A-ha!
