Fans Confused, Worshippers Delighted as Pitch and Prayer Mats Merge.

By Our Religious Affairs Reporter: Rev Evan Elpus

Birmingham City has unveiled its audacious new 62,000-capacity mosque, the centrepiece of a multi-billion-pound redevelopment in Bordesley Green, which club officials insist will be “both holy and sportingly excellent.”

At the launch on Thursday, Birmingham City chairman John Wigner explained that the minarets will be visible from up to 40 miles away, serving as a “beacon for excellence for Birmingham,” while subtly doubling as floodlight towers for evening matches. Wigner confirmed that the football team will play its home fixtures at the venue, describing it as “where faith and football finally shake hands… and sometimes tackle each other.”

The mosque-cum-stadium boasts twelve surrounding turrets, a retractable roof, and a moveable pitch designed to host football, concerts, and potentially extreme ironing competitions, should organisers feel adventurous. One tower even contains a lift leading to a panoramic bar overlooking the city — perfect for watching the match, the sunset, or the occasional pigeon conference.

Half-time curry

“The design draws on the proud heritage of the West Midlands,” Wigner said, adjusting his tie while gesturing at a brickwork-inspired chimney. “A heritage of industry, diversity, and, yes, slightly ambitious architectural overreach.”

The minarets themselves nod to the brickworks that once occupied the site, while simultaneously providing structural support for the roof — and extra storage for inflatable mascots. Architects say the blend of traditional Islamic features with modern stadium functionality makes the project “a miracle of multitasking architecture,” though one critic noted it might cause confusion among visiting football fans who accidentally wander into Friday prayers mid-halftime.

Construction on the surrounding redevelopment continues, but the mosque-stadium has already been hailed as a new icon for Birmingham — a place where devotion, devotion to sport, and devotion to spectacular architecture coexist in perfect, occasionally bewildering harmony.