BURY ST EDMUNDS, UK – A 42-year-old woman from Bury St Edmunds has become the latest cautionary tale in Britain’s booming DIY cosmetic enhancement culture after what an overly enthusiastic application of Botox.
By Our Angling Correspondent: Courtney Pike
Nevis Hildebrande, desperate to smooth out the lines of middle age. Reportedly purchased a bulk pack of Botox vials from eBay. A site more traditionally associated with used furniture and counterfeit football shirts — and proceeded to inject herself six times over a frantic 48-hour period.
Friends became alarmed when Hildebrande’s once carefully curated “trout pout” ballooned into something marine biologists have since compared to “a smiling beluga whale.” Witnesses say her lips expanded to the circumference of a teacup, while her cheeks and chin puffed up in unison, giving the impression of a woman permanently mid-way through blowing up an inflatable dinghy.
Injection of humour
Emergency services were called when she attempted to sip a latte in a local café and instead sprayed the foam in a 180-degree arc, much to the astonishment of nearby pensioners. Paramedics admitted it was the first case they had treated where a patient required both oxygen and a bucket of herring.
The NHS has issued a reminder that Botox should only be administered by trained professionals, ideally not sourced from online auctions where the seller also shifts patio furniture and ex-display microwaves. A spokesman commented drily: “The face is not an appropriate testing ground for bargain-basement pharmaceuticals.”
Meanwhile, Hildebrande has pledged to use her experience to warn others about the dangers of overdoing cosmetic procedures. Her message was somewhat undermined, however, by the fact that her new lips prevented her from pronouncing most consonants.
