Home Secretary reopens Fawlty Towers hotel as accommodation for asylum seekers.
By Our Political Correspondent: Polly Ticks
TORQUAY, ENGLAND – Labour’s handling of the small boat migrant crisis reached new absurdity this week when Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood announced that the notorious Torquay establishment, Fawlty Towers, will be reopened as a migrant reception hotel.
The decision has stunned both housing campaigners and fans of the long-defunct comedy series, which originally depicted the fictional hotel as a hotbed of chaos, shouting, and collapsed dinner service. Mahmood defended the move at a press briefing, explaining: “Accommodation is tight, and Basil Fawlty assured us he can run a tight ship.” Asked if she had ever seen the programme, she admitted: “Only the memes.”
Hotelier Basil Fawlty, dragged out of semi-retirement for the initiative, expressed only partial enthusiasm. “Yes, of course I’ll take them,” he barked at reporters outside the property, “though I imagine they’ll prefer the food poisoning to my customer service. Perhaps the Home Office enjoys watching suffering up close.” His wife Sybil was unavailable for comment, allegedly on the phone “with Audrey.”
Don’t mention the Iraq war
Critics of the plan say the move demonstrates the government’s lack of seriousness. Nigel Farage declared it “a policy straight out of Monty Python,” while opposition backbenchers whispered darkly that the next step may involve housing asylum seekers in Dad’s Army’s church hall.
Meanwhile, hotel staff are said to be ill-prepared. Polly, the waitress, has been given responsibility for breakfast, lunch & dinner, while Manuel, the Spanish waiter, was reportedly overheard asking: “¿Qué?” repeatedly during the induction briefing.
With migrants scheduled to arrive next month, many are bracing for predictable disaster. As one local councillor put it: “If you wanted to design a metaphor for this government’s approach to migration, you couldn’t do better than Fawlty Towers. And that’s not a compliment.”
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