London protest halted as man loses contact lens mid-march.

By Our Religious Affairs Reporter: Rev Evan Elpus

TOWER HAMLETS, LONDON – London witnessed another day of “peaceful tension” yesterday as two opposing groups — one marching against a cancelled UKIP protest and the other apparently searching for a lost contact lens — briefly brought the capital to a standstill.

The demonstration, initially organised as a counter-march against UKIP’s planned Whitechapel protest, featured columns of masked Muslim men chanting “Allahu Akbar” in defiance of what organisers described as “provocation dressed as patriotism.” UKIP’s rally, led by the party’s new head Nick Tenconi, had been moved nine miles away by Scotland Yard amid fears of “serious disorder,” leaving counter-protesters with little to counter except themselves.

Blind leading the blind

But what began as a show of unity quickly descended into farce when one marcher, identified only as Adeel from Ilford, dropped his contact lens in the middle of the procession. According to witnesses, the chanting stopped mid-verse, and hundreds of men suddenly knelt in unison, scouring the tarmac outside a kebab shop. “It looked like mass prayer,” said one baffled onlooker, “until someone yelled, ‘Found it!’ and everyone cheered.”

Traffic was brought to a halt for nearly 20 minutes while participants crawled on hands and knees across Whitechapel Road. At one point, police officers considered deploying a torch from the riot van to assist, before deciding this might “escalate matters.”

When the lens was finally recovered, it was ceremoniously held aloft, drawing chants of “Allahu Akbar” once again — though it remained unclear whether the celebration was religious or optical in nature.

Mayor Lutfur Rahman, leading the march despite his fraud conviction, praised the “community spirit” of the search, calling it “a perfect metaphor for unity in vision.”

As one police officer dryly remarked: “At least nobody lost their temper — just their lens.”

Meanwhile: ’An attack on inbred people’: Protest planned against government cuts