IPSWICH, PLANET EARTH – Passengers aboard the No.13 bus traveling to Copdock Tesco via Hawthorn Drive and Belmont Road experienced a spectacle straight out of a sci-fi script “Cyberman”.

Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint

Witnesses report seeing a Cyberman — yes, one of those famously emotionless Doctor Who villains — but not as they know it. This new variant boasted the usual tubular helmet frame but came in a startling bright banana yellow.

Doctor asks who?

Commuters initially assumed it was a particularly vivid Halloween costume or some avant-garde street performance, but the figure’s deadpan metallic gaze suggested otherwise. “At first, I thought it was just someone who’d really overdone the high-vis gear,” said fellow passenger Dr Helen Marsh. “But then it didn’t blink, or check their phone. It just stared ahead, as if calculating the existential dread of queueing at Tesco’s reduced aisle.”

Cyberman mystery

Why this Banana Cyberman was on the bus remains a mystery. Speculation abounds that the Cybermen, traditionally bent on converting humanity into cybernetic drones, might have returned with a new mission: to eradicate the latest iteration of Doctor Who itself. The controversial series, recently cancelled by the BBC after consistently poor viewing figures and widespread critical disdain, may have provoked the ire of these fictional villains.

“If you ask me, even the Cybermen want to reboot the show,” joked bus driver Steve Collins. “I just hope they don’t start asking for Oyster cards — those things are a nightmare.”

For now, Ipswich’s No.13 bus route has entered the annals of pop culture history as the place where sci-fi lore met suburban shopping runs — with a splash of yellow. Passengers are advised to keep an eye out for any other unexpected extraterrestrial commuters.

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