A quiet Suffolk household was thrown into chaos last Thursday after a routine load of laundry left one man traumatised and in hospital — all thanks to what he described as a “demonic domestic appliance.”

Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint

The Suffolk man, George St Pancras, 58, had just returned from his shift at the local garden centre when he entered the utility room to deposit his dirty overalls. What he saw next, however, sent him into immediate cardiac arrest.

The washing machine — reportedly left open by his wife Shirley — was, according to George, “clearly possessed by Satan himself.” A blood-red t-shirt was dangling from the door like a grotesque tongue, while the control knobs, twisted at peculiar angles, gave the machine the appearance of “two spinning, psychotic eyes.”

“It looked like it was about to eat him,” said Shirley, 57, who found George collapsed in a heap next to the detergent drawer. “Honestly, I just left the laundry halfway through to answer the phone. I didn’t realise I’d created a hellmouth.”

Heart conditioner

Paramedics arrived within minutes, noting that while George was clutching his chest in agony, he was also muttering about “the machine grinning at him.”

Doctors at West Suffolk Hospital confirmed George had suffered a mild heart attack “brought on by extreme domestic shock.” He is said to be recovering well and has requested his bed face away from the hospital laundry chute.

Shirley, meanwhile, remains unrepentant. “He’s lucky it wasn’t the tumble dryer — that thing does growl.”

George has since vowed never to enter the utility room alone again and is reportedly in talks with a local vicar about having the washing machine exorcised.

Residents try to deter gent fiddling with their laundry