Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Norfolk woman ‘in the family, cromer way’

Norfolk woman ‘in the family, family way’

CROMER, NORFOLK – Scandal visited the picturesque seaside town of Cromer this week, when local siblings, John and Suzie Doyle, announced that they are expecting their first child together.

Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred

The revelation has sent shockwaves through the community, reigniting long-standing whispers about the family’s notorious tradition of inbreeding.

For generations, the Doyles have kept their bloodline within the confines of the family circle. Leading to a litany of genetic abnormalities and abhorrent physical deformities. Many members of the Doyle clan are known for their goggle eyes and severe ‘Norfoot’ (webbed toes), both telltale signs of the inbreeding that has plagued the family for decades.

Carry on Cromer

Despite the warnings and the tragic consequences suffered by previous generations, John and Suzie have chosen to carry on the family tradition, defying societal norms and medical advice with their taboo relationship.

“It’s a Doyle faaamily tradition, plain and simple,” declared John, his webbed foot affectionately squashed against Suzie’s. “We luurves each other, and we don’t care whaart anyone else thinks, ain’t that roight Suze? …Suze?”

Norfolk Cromer

Their announcement has sparked a mixture of outrage and empathy among their neighbours. With some condemning their actions as reckless, sick and selfish, while others express sympathy for the couple’s apparent ignorance.

“We’ve tried to intervene, to educate them about the dangers of inbreeding,” lamented Dr. Maggie Finch, the local physician. “But they refuse to listen. They’re just so much in love. It’s a tragedy waiting to happen.”

Incest fact: Inbreeding in Norfolk dates back to mediaeval times when villagers  – unless they owned a horse and cart – could only procreate with people who lived as far away as they could walk in a single day.

Meanwhile: The mystery of why people from Cromer walk sideways could be solved by a major university-funded study.

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