HOLLYWOOD, USA – The once-beloved Home Alone franchise has taken a bold turn with its latest release, Home Alone 5: Nobody Likes Me. In a twist nobody saw coming—or wanted—controversial media personality Piers Morgan stars as himself in a plot that some critics are calling a little too close to home.

By Our Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint

Hollywood insiders revealed to the SUFFOLK GAZETTE that the film centres around Morgan being accidentally left alone at Christmas after his family collectively decides they’ve had enough of his relentless opinions on everything from turkey stuffing to global politics. “We just wanted to enjoy a peaceful holiday,” says Morgan’s on-screen wife in a line that’s sure to resonate with audiences everywhere.

As the story unfolds, Morgan’s loneliness grows into a full-blown existential crisis. Without an audience to argue with, he turns to his phone, but even Twitter has abandoned him after yet another take on why mince pies are overrated. Eventually, his life spirals out of control, leaving him a dishevelled, friendless figure wandering the snowy streets of London in search of relevance—and a charger.

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!

The film’s reception has been predictably divisive. Fans of the original 1990 classic starring Macaulay Culkin have dismissed it as “a shameless cash grab,” while others see it as the perfect satirical roast of Morgan’s polarising persona. Morgan himself, unsurprisingly, called it “the best Home Alone yet,” in a tweet that garnered a record 10,000 eye-roll emojis.

Critics, however, were not so kind. “We rooted for Kevin McCallister,” wrote one reviewer. “Here, we’re rooting for the burglars to break in just to end the monologue.”

Despite the backlash, studio executives remain hopeful the film will attract viewers looking for a festive trainwreck. A sequel, Home Alone 6: Still Nobody Likes Me, is reportedly already in pre-production.