Farage raps in Parliament; Starmer erupts, chaos and disbelief follow.

By Our Political Correspondent: Polly Ticks

HOUSE OF COMMONS – In what political commentators are already calling “the most bewildering three minutes in parliamentary history,” Nigel Farage appeared at today’s Prime Minister’s Questions dressed in full Gangsta Rap attire — complete with a white fur coat, oversized gold chains, and a Reform Party Tattoo painted onto his bare chest.

Flanked by fellow Reform UK member Richard Tice, who provided a surprisingly competent beatbox accompaniment, Farage launched into his allotted question in the form of a freestyle rap. The performance, delivered with the gravitas of a man convinced he was at the Grammys, included lines about “migrant hotels,” “keeping West Northampton safe tonight,” and a rousing call for “Reform to take control.”

“Yo, Mr Speaker. Time’s tickin’, I’ve only got 30 seconds. The Prime Minister’s plan. Yeah, you better check it. He said it loud, he set it clear, y’all recall. Migrant hotels closed by the end of this Parliament, ya’ll. Now listen up ’cause reform is in control. West Northampton shires on a roll. A brilliant council, Reform-led crew. We’re doing what people want us to do. Foreclosure notices dropping in days. Three migrant hotels, we ain’t here to play. Public’s concerned, and reasons real. Safety of women, that’s the deal. So tell me, Prime Minister, what’s the feel? Would you back us if we sped that wheel? Speed it up, shut it down, make it right. Keep West Northampton safe tonight. Oh!”

Grime Minister’s Questions

At first, MPs appeared stunned, though within seconds several on the backbenches — perhaps out of sheer panic — began to sway rhythmically. The Speaker of the House, Sir Lindsay Hoyle, briefly joined in by nodding his head before realising the cameras were still on.

When the performance ended with a theatrical mic drop, the chamber fell silent. Then, in a moment now trending under #ParliamentPopsOff, Sir Keir Starmer stood, red-faced and visibly shaking, and began shouting “Racist! Racist! Fascists!” repeatedly until restrained by a concerned Rachel Reeves wielding a copy of The Guardian.

Downing Street later issued a statement describing the exchange as “not conducive to constructive debate,” while a visibly unrepentant Farage told reporters outside: “Reform’s got rhythm. Labour’s just got issues.”

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