Thursday, April 18, 2024

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Delia Smith to pay Ed Balls in pies

By Manik Bin Mann
Football Reporter

Norwich City owner Delia Smith managed to persuade former shadow chancellor Ed Balls to join as her new club chairman – by agreeing to pay him in pies.

Chubby Balls insisted he got his hands on as many of Delia’s famous pies as he wanted in return for his apparent expertise in running an ailing football club.

Balls up: rotund Ed tucks into a pie with dishy Delia

The former Morley & Outwood MP, who embarrassingly lost his seat at the last election, has suffered a lifelong affliction of being a Norwich City fan.

Ever since his father first took him to the Carrow Road terraces in 1973, he has always regretted not supporting Norwich’s larger and more successful East Anglian rivals, Ipswich Town.

A friend of Balls said: “Ed wanted to be a Tractor Boy but got bullied into supporting Norwich. He’s had to stick with it because a politician can’t be seen to do a u-turn.

“To his surprise Delia Smith and the Norwich board asked him to join as chairman, a position he has been able to accept because he is doing nothing else of any note since being booted out of politics.

“The position is unpaid, but Ed likes his food, and demanded his package included unlimited pies.

“Delia was only too happy to agree to this, although she may regret it when Ed keeps billing her for ever larger club suits.”

A Norwich insider insisted Balls was the right man for the job. “He’s been very successful in everything he has done and, er, well, you know, we have Stephen Fry on the board too. So it’s all quite comical.”

Norwich are currently in a hilarious position in the Premier League, plummeting towards relegation.

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