Liverpool honour 6ft 7in ex-striker Peter Crouch with elevated urinal.

ANFIELD STADIUM, LIVERPOOL – Liverpool legend Peter Crouch, renowned for his height, his robot dance, and the occasional headed goal, has finally been immortalised at Anfield – not with a statue outside the Kop, nor a stand in his name, but with his very own urinal.

The club unveiled the porcelain tribute this week inside the directors’ lounge toilet. Positioned five feet off the ground, the specially installed urinal was designed to accommodate the lanky 6ft 7in striker, whose towering frame always made crouching at ordinary fixtures something of a logistical nightmare.

“It’s an incredible honour,” Crouch beamed at the unveiling. “I’ve had a lot of special moments at Anfield, but being given my own loo at this height – well, it’s truly humbling. It means I’ll never have to stoop awkwardly again. It’s perfect.”

Taking the pee

Directors and VIP guests applauded politely during the ribbon-cutting ceremony, though some muttered about the impracticality of its lofty positioning. “It’s completely unusable for anyone under 6ft 5,” said one shareholder, balancing on tiptoes to admire the craftsmanship. “Frankly, I nearly fell over just trying to flush it.”

The club insists the new facility is “inclusive,” pointing out that the urinal doubles as “a convenient hand basin” for shorter guests. Rumours are already circulating that a second urinal is planned at knee level in honour of diminutive former playmaker Xherdan Shaqiri.

Fans, meanwhile, have reacted with their usual dry wit. One tweeted: “Finally, a fitting tribute. No one scored higher goals than Crouchy – now no one pees higher either.”

Crouch himself took the jokes in stride. “I suppose it’s better than a statue of me looking awkward with the ball at my feet,” he quipped. “At least this way, I’ll always be remembered for standing tall at Anfield.”

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