LONDON, ORWELLIAN BRITAIN – A newly erected Police notice on Baker Street has sparked confusion, panic, and existential dread among passers-by. The sign, bearing the official crest of the Metropolitan Police, reads:
By Our Crime Editor: Rob Banks
“Are you having arrestable thoughts? Thought monitoring technology has been installed in this area. Prohibited thoughts are punishable by the Court of Law.”
The sign, just yards from the Sherlock Holmes Museum — a location once famed for imaginative thinking, now warns of a no-thought zone.
According to sources at the SUFFOLK GAZETTE, several pedestrians who paused to read the sign were later observed muttering “I’m fine, thank you,” to no one in particular before power-walking briskly away. When our reporter attempted to interview onlookers, most declined to comment — some by simply shaking their heads, others by pointing at the sky and whispering, “They’re listening.”
Think before you think
The Metropolitan Police declined to confirm whether the sign was real, a pilot scheme, or a social experiment gone rogue. A brief press statement said only, “We cannot comment on the operational use of cognitive compliance enforcement tools.”
Home Office insiders, speaking on condition of anonymity, hinted that the signage may be part of a broader trial for “Pre-Thought Intervention,” due to roll out nationwide by 2026, subject to successful lobbying by tech firms and one especially enthusiastic backbencher.
Meanwhile, civil liberties groups have demanded an urgent review. “We’re worried that even thinking about how worrying this is may already be a thoughtcrime,” said a spokesperson from Liberty, moments before being bundled into a grey van marked “Ideas Management Division.”
George Orwell was unavailable for comment.
Meanwhile: Cold war bunker heats-up Suffolk property market
