Tuesday, June 25, 2024

British election turns into The Muppet Show

British election turns into The Muppet Show

The British election campaign is turning up a parade of eccentric characters making ludicrous promises.

By Our Political Correspondent: Polly Ticks

Leading the way are candidates whose manifestos could have been penned by Jim Henson himself. With a mix of absurdity and comedy that makes Kermit the Frog look like a serious politician.

Take Sir Kier Starmer, leader of the Labour Party who told reporters that only ‘99.9 per cent of women’ do not have a penis. Implying that one in every thousand women DO have a penis!

Not to be outdone, Lord Biro of the Bus-Pass Elvis Party. Whose 2016 Witney by-election promises included better daytime TV for those on benefits. Euthanasia booths in Wetherspoons pubs. A chain of Virgin Brothels started by Richard Branson with a generous 20% discount for OAPs.

These candidates are often dismissed as harmless oddballs. Yet they offer a refreshing contrast to the mainstream party to the right of the Tories. Which some say, harbours a more sinister breed of oddballs.

UKIP, the party famously dubbed by David Cameron as a home for “fruitcakes, loonies, and closet racists,” seems to have birthed a new generation in the form of Reform UK.

Rayner is a slag

Reform UK has already made headlines for ditching prospective candidates over questionable social media posts. Among the highlights is Pete Addis, who used a racist slur about the Chinese and called Angela Rayner a “slag,”.

Reform deputy Richard Tice nonchalantly commented that “every party has its fair share of muppets and morons”. It’s tempting to dismiss Reform UK as a bad joke. Their potential to siphon votes from the Tories could pave the way for a Labour landslide. A prospect that has the Conservatives in a cold sweat.

Recent polls show 42% of Reform voters would back Rishi Sunak if he offered a referendum on immigration. Potentially leading to another nation-splitting debate on shutting borders. Sunak, desperate after the Rwanda policy debacle, might just consider this move, echoing Cameron’s ill-fated 2016 referendum.

As British voters prepare to cast their ballots. It seems the political landscape is like an episode of The Muppet Show. With each character more absurd than the last.

Meanwhile: Starmer wants Dunkirk-style migrant evacuation

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