TEHRAN, IRAN – In the wake of coordinated Israeli airstrikes on Iranian nuclear facilities and military sites. Tehran has promised a “harsh response” — although international observers remain puzzled after witnessing what appears to be a regiment of Iranian pilots sprinting across airfields wearing fibreglass aircraft shells strapped to their shoulders.
Defence Editor: Doug Trench
The operation, dubbed “Operation Heavenly Deception,” is believed to be part of Iran’s latest military innovation. A fleet of carbon-fibre aircraft allegedly crafted from decommissioned children’s roundabouts and municipal playground equipment. The 5ft mock-fighters, painted in patriotic greens and festooned with hastily glued-on fins, are described by defence analysts as “visually ambitious but aerodynamically irrelevant.”
Countering Israeli strikes
“They appear to have no engines, no avionics, and no weaponry,” confirmed Dr. Sheila Gribbins of the International Institute for Strategic Studies. “In fact, I watched one pilot fall over trying to ascend a runway slope. He was carrying a bottle of Yazd mineral water in the cockpit.”
Nevertheless, Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei declared the squadron a “symbol of our spiritual aeronautical superiority,”. Vowing that Israel would face a “bitter and painful fate,” presumably through psychological confusion.
Run way
Satellite images have shown dozens of these pint-sized decoys being arranged into attack formations in response to Israeli strikes, despite being incapable of flight. Iran’s state broadcaster IRIB proudly aired footage of several heroic pilots jogging beneath their fuselages. While patriotic music blared and technicians clapped from the sidelines.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, speaking from an undisclosed and noticeably smug location, dismissed the countermeasures as “cosplay for clerics.”
As fears of wider regional conflict mount, one thing remains certain. Iran’s latest foray into military innovation proves that, when resources dwindle, playgrounds are the new battlegrounds.
Female pilots seek Iranian revolution
