Britain’s drinkers will head to the pub one hour earlier than normal from Thursday, it was announced today.
New coronavirus restrictions mean pubs must shut at 10pm – but boozers have come up with a fiendish plan to overcome the hurdle.
They will start drinking one hour earlier.
Pub bore Lorraine Fisher, 34, explained: “It’s a little inconvenient but closing the pubs an hour early won’t make any difference.
“We will all just start drinking earlier to make up for it.”
Those that can’t go to the pub early because, for example, they have a job where they do not “work” from home, also have a plan.
They will increase the number of drinks per hour in the pub so they can get as shit-faced as normal.
Landlord Steve Walshe, 49, said: “Quite how the government thinks a 10pm pub curfew is going to make a blind bit of difference is beyond me.
“Coronavirus has no idea what time it is; it doesn’t get worse after 10pm.”
Buy a mug to reflecting this terrible year
You can buy a mug that reflects 2020 in Britain. Buy direct below, or visit our partner website, Dirty Old Goat mugs …