SUDBURY, GREAT BRITAIN – The Red Baron crash-landed a vintage Messerschmitt Bf 109 right in the middle of Sudbury High Street yesterday afternoon.

Defence Editor: Doug Trench

Von Richtofen, who apparently prefers the title “Herman, Avenger of Family Honor,” touched down with what witnesses described as “a bumpy landing resembling a toddler’s first attempt on a tricycle.” The unexpected arrival was preceded by a public declaration that he intended to single-handedly refight both World War I and World War II, citing “unfineeshed bizness” and “a deep family tradition of ze aerial heroics.”

The historic aircraft, restored to near-pristine condition, came to rest blocking a disabled parking space directly outside the Helen Rallason charity shop. Much to the dismay of shoppers and the local branch of the Mobility Scooter Enthusiasts Society.

Dogfight

Local police armed with dogs promptly escorted the self-styled “Last Luftwaffe Lord” away, pending deportation back to Frankfurt, where officials were reportedly unaware of any new aerial battles planned for the 21st century.

Onlookers were divided in their reactions. “It was like seeing history crash-land into modern life—literally,” said one elderly resident. “Though I can’t say I appreciated my weekly shop being blocked by a vintage warplane.”

As for Herman Goebbels Von Richtofen, he remains unrepentant, reportedly already drafting plans for a solo blitzkrieg reenactment over the local cricket pitch. Authorities have advised residents to keep an eye on the skies—and their parking spots.