Russian war games success as 100,000 doors poisoned

By Doug Trench, Defence Editor

Russia has declared this week’s huge military exercise a success, with 300,000 troops now capable of putting poison on a door knob.

The armed forces’ show of strength, the biggest since the Cold War, saw 100,000 British front doors sent to Eastern Russia.

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Servicemen and women were then trained in the art of sneaking up and dabbling Novichok on a door knob without anyone noticing.

“The exercise was a complete success,” said Russian military expert Lorrainov Fishersky, 34.

“Now we have a whole army capable of killing people in quaint British towns. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Knob training: Russian soldiers get a handle on war games

Western nations say the massive Russian war games were meant to send a message to NATO.

“And that message is that no door is safe,” a British military top brass said.

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He added that there was also an environmental problem following the exercise, with abandoned doors scattered across the east Russian countryside.

The news comes after the Suffolk Gazette revealed how a Russian submarine was spying on Felixstowe.

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