Today’s horoscope: Kim Kardashian

With Mystic Smeg

Kim Kardashian, October 21. Libra

With Uranus looming large, you need to put any troubles behind you and look forward to a stunning year of fame and fortune. With your full moon covering The Sun (and the Star), causing a total eclipse for many around you, expect most to be in the dark about your true intentions. In fact, they might not have a clue who, or indeed what, you are trying to be.


Bottoms up: Kim Kardashian

Your love life will continue to blossom, even though you are pregnant and in a relationship with Kanye West. It’s maybe ironic that you have paid thousands for implants everywhere in your body, including your backside, but one shag has caused your stomach to expand to impressive proportions for free.

One thing is for sure, you are heading for good fortune, with media outlets around the world clamouring for the exclusive rights to your baby pictures. The Suffolk Gazette will be bidding, although only up to $5.50. The Editor says he remains “hopeful”.

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