Our relationship has become unbearable

Doris is a mine – or more accurately a minefield – of sage advice to help you with your everyday problems. You can contact her via the Suffolk Gazette Contact Page.

Dear Doris,

I’ve been been with this European geezer since 1973 and we have a very large family to support so I always worked hard to try to make our lives a bit better than my mum and dad had.

But over the years he has been taking me for granted. Proper taking liberties and making rules about stupid stuff like which fags I should smoke, which bin I should put my beer cans in and what’s in my perfume. He even stopped me buying a new Dyson hair dryer from Argos with my OWN MONEY!

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He’s shagged just about anyone, including this German dominatrix who tried telling ME what to do until I punched her in the face. Some of his women are right lazy tarts who keep scrounging my rent money except for that boracic Greek bint down the kebab shop who he’s been bullying into submission.

He squandered all our dosh on a load of ridiculous things, like blue and yellow wheelie bins which are a complete eyesore, and even gave some to a Spanish bullfighter he met on a stag night. Well, he’s started to become a total control freak.

Anyway, recently I started flirting with this other bloke with a really big dick who promised me much more fun and lots of freedom. But I’m not sure I can trust him and his promises, anymore than I can my old partner.

I’m meeting the new guy at Wetherspoons this week and he wants me to make up my mind about dumping my family and moving into his house but I feel really torn. What should I do? To be honest, they are both getting on my tits.

Patsy, Suffolk

Dear Patsy,

It’s odd but I’ve been getting lots of letters like yours recently. I’ve even had people crying down the phone and others ranting and screaming about similar problems. Your two both sound like a couple of arseholes, but have you really thought about the future and your kids? Can you manage on your own if you run off with the new bloke and do you have some money stashed to make sure you are secure, or some gold bling? Sometimes, it’s better the devil you know and to try again if you think there is something to salvage with your long-term partner. I am sending you my leaflet on abusive relationships and I do think you have to assert yourself and sort that German woman without punching her again. Violence is never the answer. As far as the big dick goes, have you thought about a trip to Ann Summers?

Love,
Doris

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