Suffolk farmers hit by Government leek ban

By Ivor Traktor
Farming Correspondent (intern)

Suffolk’s impoverished farmers will lose millions of pounds after Prime Minister David Cameron announced a shock clampdown on Government leeks.

He revealed how leeks to the media were becoming particularly hard to stomach during the run-up to May’s General Election.

“This has to stop now. Leeks of this kind are damaging to hard-working families facing difficult times, and we should all stick to the facts. I am personally setting up a panel to track down the source of the leeks.”

David Cameron looking for the source of the leeks

The popularity of the tasty green veg had exploded in 2006 when publisher Julia Arsange created her bombshell WikiLeeks site, which sent secret recipes flying unchecked around the internet. She is currently holed up in the Ecuador embassy in Stowmarket, where she is claiming lunatic asylum because Ecuador is the world’s largest consumer of leeks.

A damaging leek

A damaging leek

The National Farmers’ Unions estimates the leek clampdown will cost Suffolk members £19 million a year. Ralph Barbour, who farms near Woodbridge, said: “This is chuffing outrageous. It’s a free country and people should be allowed leeks if they so wish.”

He went on to admit he will not lose that much cash, since he only cultivates one field on his huge 1,500-acre farm. “The rest is classed as set aside land, and the EU subsidies are making me a fortune,” he admitted.

Suffolk Coastal Conservative MP Therese White-Coffee jumped to Mr Cameron’s defence. “You have to trust him. Leeks are cropping up everywhere causing problems – too many leeks fill people with hot air.

“We have to trust the Prime Minister on this – he knows his onions.”

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