DOWNING STREET, WESTMINSTER – Sir Keir Starmer’s long-serving barber claims to have uncovered “the unmistakable sign of the devil” lurking beneath the Prime Minister’s famously neat trim.

By Our Political Correspondent: Polly Ticks

Giovanni Van Tutti Frutti, who has been taming the locks of Westminster’s great and good for over four decades. He says the discovery occurred during a routine appointment at No. 10 Downing Street, just before Starmer’s trip to Davos for a meeting of world leaders.

“As I a-parted ‘is ‘air for the lefta-side taper,” Giovanni recounted in a tone usually reserved for war veterans and ghost-hunters. “I saw it — mamma mia — the numbers sixa, sixa, and sixa. Not-a written in biro, not-a dandruff… but burned into the flesh. It was like-a the scalp itself was screaming.”

Giovanni, quick-thinking and quicker-snapping, took a photograph on his phone. While some dismiss the image as a trick of the light or possibly marmite toast crumbs. Others insist it’s proof of a sinister agenda at the very heart of British politics.

Nightmare on Downing Street

Downing Street officials have been quick to downplay the allegations. A spokesperson insisted: “The Prime Minister’s scalp bears no satanic markings. Any suggestion otherwise is baseless, absurd, and not to be confused with his hairline.”

The Opposition has, predictably, seized on the claims. One unnamed MP was overheard muttering: “I always thought the slick parting was hiding something.”

Starmer’s Barber

Starmer, meanwhile, appeared unfazed as he boarded his flight to Switzerland, giving photographers a confident smile — though some conspiracy theorists have since claimed the smile was “unnervingly symmetrical” and revealed “a hint of fang.”

Giovanni stands by his story, vowing never again to cut hair “for anyone whose follicles whisper Latin backwards.”

Meanwhile: New one-way system to solve Ipswich traffic nightmare