News

We sock it to the Green Party

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EXCLUSIVE
By Polly Ticks, Political Editor

The Suffolk Gazette today uses the most scientific forecasting yet to reveal that the Green Party will secure a landslide victory in today’s General Election.

We carefully put five socks on the floor, each coloured to represent one of the main parties in England, then let the office dog loose to select the winner of today’s crucial vote.

There was high tension as the process began, with each sock being laid out in a sequence decided by a secret sock draw to ensure fair play.

From left to right it was: yellow of the Liberal Democrats, blue for Conservatives, purple for UKIP, green for the Greens, and red for Labour.

Sock election poll

Good yarn: the Suffolk Gazette political socks

Once independent auditors were satisfied all had been placed fairly, our political animal, Addy the chocolate labrador (short for Adnams), was invited into the room to make her selection.

And first it looked like she was going to annoint Ed Miliband’s Labour Party as the new Government.

Suffolk Gazette election sock

Is it Labour?

But then a last-second swing to the Greens meant an emphatic victory for Natalie Bennett’s Green Party.

voting green

Eat your greens: Addy selects the winning sock

The Suffolk Gazette sock decision will come as a shock as the nation goes to the polls today, as up to now no-one gave the Greens a chance.

A Green spokesman said: “We are grateful to the Suffolk Gazette for being the first to predict our victory.”

However, opposition parties claimed dirty tricks.

A spokesman for the Conservatives said: “Everyone knows dogs are colour blind. They don’t even recognise the colour green, but instead see a grey-to-blue spectrum.

“It’s quite clear, therefore, that your dog represents hard-working families and thought it was selecting the Conservative Party.”

Meanwhile, a spokesman for the Liberal Democrats said our sock poll was “pants”.

Addy was not available for comment, having run off into the kitchen with the green sock, refusing to give it back.

dog sock

Escape: Addy with sock

sock vote

Political animal: Addy

Don’t miss our other top election exclusives: SNP faces poll oblivion, and UKIPT football team relegated.

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7 Comments

  1. The Real Finchy

    May 7, 2015 at 12:45 pm

    Whilst I fully agree with Mr McClellands comments, my main concern is that Ms Ticks refers to UKIP as a main party. Has this world respected political reporter sold out……or simply losing her elgins? I may have to unsubscribe to the gazette of this attitude persists. Ed, get a grip!

    • The Editor

      May 7, 2015 at 1:05 pm

      Dear Mr Real

      Based on the polls, UKIP had to be described as a main party. However, I’ll admit the real reason UKIP was included was because I found a purple sock in the drawer.

      Regards,
      The Editor

  2. Pete McClelland

    May 7, 2015 at 10:10 am

    Whilst I fully support the Suffolk Gazette’s admirable experiment and no doubt is as accurate as anything Sky or the BBC have attempted. I have to raise objection to the use of animals in the political process. Too often we see defenceless animals used for all sorts of experiments. One only has to watch PMQ’s to see howling wolves and dinosaurs.

    Also, there was no psychedelic sock to represent the Monster raving loony party.

    • The Editor

      May 7, 2015 at 1:07 pm

      Dear Mr McClelland

      Let’s be frank about this – our dog has more intelligence than most other political commentators out there, so has every right to be involved in this experiment.

      Regards,
      The Editor

  3. Lyn-p-loo

    May 7, 2015 at 9:26 am

    I don’t want to sound pedantic but The Suffolk Gazette is obviously in the enviable position of having photographers, reporters and subs each allowed to do their own jobs. Sadly they seem to be working in isolation as I counted five socks in the picture, Polly Ticks initially said four were in the line-up and the sub didn’t notice. I am sure this was just a blip as I’ve never known the Gazette mislead it’s reader/s before.

    • The Editor

      May 7, 2015 at 9:36 am

      Dear Lyn-p-loo

      You are quite right. This was the most technically challenging of all the media’s election wizardry out there, seeing off anything Sky, the BBC or ITV have been able to offer. So challenging, in fact, that we did indeed make a slight error in the figures. This has now been corrected.

      Regards,
      The Editor

    • Lyn-p-loo

      May 14, 2015 at 7:00 pm

      Excellent. My faith is restored.

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