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Dog insists he did not sh*t on the kitchen floor

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Labrador mess

A labrador has confirmed he did not sh*t on the kitchen floor – and that the mess must have been left by an intruder of the night.

One-year-old Brian insisted he was sound asleep from 10pm to 7am, but thought he might have heard a visitor roaming around downstairs at some point.

“I can categorically say I did not do a big sh*t by the fridge but was, in fact, curled up in my bed,” the chocolate labrador from Suffolk said.

“I was as surprised as anyone in the morning to see this turd on the floor.

“Yes, it looked a little bit like one of mine, and it contained traces of the berries I have been eating in garden.

“But let’s face it a turd is a turd and anyone could have done it.”

Owner Sally Perkins said: “Brian claims someone got into our house in the middle of the night and did the crap on the kitchen floor.

“This may seem quite unlikely as there was no sign of an intruder, but Brian had a very innocent face, so I tend to believe him.

“You have to trust your pets.”

Mrs Perkins was left wondering why a person would sneak into her home in the dead of night and crimp one off on the floor.

“This must have been the same mystery night visitor who crapped on the floor on Monday and Wednesday as well,” she said.

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